Best Regards by Andrew S. Williams is a story about future troubles and the pains of the fix-it spacemen of the future. It is also pretty damn funny.
“Quasarion Systems teleportation hotline, my name is Garrin, how can I be of assistance?”
Garrin is having one of those Mondays. Mrs Kinston accidentally melded with her poodle by stepping into the teleportation array with it (in direct violation of mammalian transportation protocols), Mister MacFrampen appears to have gotten himself a particularly nefarious quantum evil twin and Mister Hassepfeffer, well…he’s got problems.
“Mom I…no, mom…listen I want you to…there is no blinky screen-thingy on the interface, mom! Yes, the interface is the holo-screen…*sigh* yes, mom, you can change the wallpaper.”
I love the stories that show this side of a strange, marvelous world. They remind me that no matter where I go, no matter how good things may seem, someone, somewhere will be having a bad day. And that humanity’s troubles will adapt and evolve to our current state, giving us ample chance to blunder and fail while working around them.
Best Regards was one of the funniest stories in the fashion, detailing the woes of an IT support man, as he is trying to juggle a slew of dissatisfied customers who have (in one way or another) gotten themselves into trouble, made so much worse by virtue of shoddy company policy.
Speaking as someone who has moonlighted as an IT support man, I can safely say that Best Ragrds has the firmest grasp of the woes of those poor men and women behind the computer screens and headphones than most. And for that, I salute him.
- 4,000 words
- Andrew S. Banks is a working class hero/writer, who devotes what little time he has to making up worlds in his head. He’s got a website, here.
- This story is featured in Waylines magazine, here.
- I like to think things turned out okay for Garrin in the end. Then again, that would mean I am just grasping at straws.
- I wonder what became of Electric Sausage Man, in the end…
Konstantine Paradias is a Greek science fiction and fantasy writer. He has a blog, called Shapescapes (shapescapes). He’s also hard at work writing a book about Mongols in Zastavas, tearing through Asia all the way to your back yard. He has been offered a chance to know the moment of his demise, which he described as ‘hillarious’.
For comments or plain old contact, you can find him at firstname.lastname@example.org