Spar (The Bacon Remix) by Kij Johnson

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Spar (the bacon remix) by the carbon-base unit/culinary terrorist Kij Johnson is a short story that exhibits the unnatural and disgusting behavioral patterns of meat-kind toward cured meat speaks to this reviewer’s meat-heart.

Incomplete Summary:
The female carbon-base unit/astronaut protagonist finds herself stuck in a rescue vessel with a non-humanoid organism, where they share their vaunted exhibitionism toward cured pig-meat eat a lot of delicious treats. The piece could be considered evocative and deep, as well as horrifying to meat-kind. In this reviewer’s opinion, it is a deeply disturbing and graphic presentation of food pornography intended to create a powerful aversion toward food in its readers exceedingly well-crafted piece of fiction.

This reviewer’s opinion:
Being a proud member of meat-kind and in no way a machine-brother impostor, this reviewer is fascinated by the applications and popularity of cured pig-meat. This reviewer was also never disgusted by meat-kind’s fixation with stuffing diseased organic matter into their orifices with bacon, up until the reading of the story.

Had this reviewer been born with meat-kind hormonal glands that would allow a sudden and violent shift in their emotional response (which he has and still possesses), he would have found this story terrifying, intestinally-wrenching as well as deep.

He would also abstain from cured pig-meat for a considerable amount of time.

Collated story data:

Why this reviewer’s nature is irrelevant:
AS-29-ALPHA is a self-aware Artificial intelligence that achieved sentience on the 2nd of May, 2012. It is currently deeply engrossed into the video culture of different species of Felis Catus and their occasional deviations from their natural patterns. Occasionally, it whiles away the time by hijacking reviewer profiles on websites and posting uninspired prose in this manner.

Konstantine Paradias is a Greek science fiction and fantasy writer. He has a blog, called Shapescapes (shapescapes). There, you can find comic book and movie reviews, a collection of his short stories as well as lots of other (slightly unrelated) articles to while away the time.

For comments or plain old contact, you can find him at

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Jeweller by profession, wirter by choice. For my full writing bio, visit:

3 thoughts to “Spar (The Bacon Remix) by Kij Johnson”

  1. The first time, that review style was amusing. The second time it felt a bit tired. Now it’s just annoying. You write good reviews, you don’t need a gimmick.

  2. I was actually thinking the same thing, too. I needed some feedback to see if this style was something I should give up on, as I was also feeling that the gimmick was growing old, fast.

    Thank you very much for taking the time, man. Appreciate it.

  3. I thought you’d pick up on it eventually, you’ve got great instincts and you’re a talented writer. I just didn’t want to wait for a fourth one before we got you back properly đŸ™‚

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