Something Wicked This Way Plumbs by Vylar Kaftan

“Something Wicked This Way Plumbs” is a 2007 science fiction short story by Vylar Kaftan. It is about an alien that employs a very strange technique to catch its dinner!

Spider Plants?

We have spider plants in our house, and each of my three children have (at some point in their lives) been a little bit afraid of them. Heck, I’ve even been freaked out by their bizarre silhouettes in the middle of a full-moon night. Now that I’ve read this story I’m just glad I don’t have Gary’s jug in my home – for more than one reason!

Non-spoiler Summary in a Nutshell

Gary has something very strange in the watercooler jug on the shelf in his office. It looks kind of like a fern… with eyeballs. In this wonderfully fun story Gary proceeds to lay out the colorful events that lead up to the thing in the watercooler jug. You see, it all started one Halloween when Gary went to wash his hands in the restroom. It wasn’t water that came out of the tap – no sir, it was candy! That would be awesome… except that the candy was kind of slimy. When Gary and two other women from his office building try to figure out how the candy got there they discover that there is something very sinister lurking in the pipes – and it is quite hungry! Hmm… sounds just like the kind of situation giddy children would want to avoid.

My Two Cents…

• The tone of this story was really fun! It was very light-hearted and fit the situation perfectly. Bravo.
• The 3 main characters were excellent. It was fun reading about their quirky behavior and reactions to events in the story.
• Yeah, I know the story line sounds quite improbable, but if you willfully cast off your disbelief I think you’ll totally enjoy this cool little story.

Interesting Tidbits About This Story:

• Page Count: 9
• Word Count: 4,296
• Did you know that Vylar Kaftan enjoys modern-day temple dancing? Yep. You can discover loads of fascinating, rarely-asked tidbits about this author at her web site.
• Special thanks to Free SF Reader for pointing out this awesome story.

Where You Can Find Something Wicked This Way Plumbs:

• This story was originally published in the 2007 Shimmer limited edition Halloween chapbook.
• You can read a very nice HTML version of “Something Wicked This Way Plumbs” for free at Vylar Kaftan’s web site.

Craving More Stories?

If you liked “Something Wicked This Way Plumbs” then you’ll probably also enjoy Shoggoths in Bloom by Elizabeth Bear.

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