The Best Christmas Ever by James Patrick Kelly

The Best Christmas Ever

by James Patrick Kelly

• Word count: 5264
• Page count: 16

The Best Christmas Ever is a science fiction short story by James Patrick Kelly. Nominated for the 2005 Hugo Award for Best Short Story, it is about a Christmas party thrown for the last man on earth.

The story follows Albert Hopkins, the last “real” man on earth, and the biops that care for him. Granted his every wish, Albert is slipping into depression and the biops try everything to bring him out of it – including throwing a Christmas party that they think he will truly enjoy.

Who hasn’t dreamed of being the last person on Earth? And wouldn’t it be great if there were constructed entities around to take care of your every wish? You would think so – but things might get boring after a while. This cool story explores what could possibly happen when a person who has everything finally grows tired of life.

The man was fifty-six years old and in good health, considering. His name was Albert Paul Hopkins, but none of the biops called him that. Aunty Em called him Bertie. The girlfriend called him sweetie or Al. The pal biops called him Al or Hoppy or Sport. The stranger biops called him Mr. Hopkins or sir. The animal biops didn’t speak much, but the dog called him Buddy and the cat called him Mario.

When Aunty Em beamed a summary of the interaction to the girlfriend biop, the girlfriend immediately volunteered to try the Kathy body again. The girlfriend had been desperate of late, since the man didn’t want anything to do with her. His slump had been hard on her, hard on Aunty Em too. Taking care of the man had changed the biops. They were all so much more emotional than they had been when they were first budded.

Where you can find it:
• The Best Christmas Ever first appeared in SciFiction on May 26, 2004. You can still read it for free online at the old SciFiction website.
• The Best Christmas Ever will also be included in James Patrick Kelly’s forthcoming book of collected short stories The Wreck of the Godspeed and Other Stories, due out in August 2008.

James Patrick Kelly, the author of The Best Christmas Ever, has won several of science fiction’s highest awards – including the Hugo and the Nebula. He is a member of the faculty of the Stonecoast Creative Writing MFA Program at the University of Southern Maine. You can learn more about him by reading the biography on his website.

If you like this story you may also be interested in Tk’tk’tk by David D. Levine.

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